Damn 2021
Hello Bonded friends.
It is the end of 2021 and it has been a banger of a year. Hell, it’s been a rough month overall. This year I completed my first novel The Arena, which most of you know about, had it edited and printed. I am publishing the book myself and that comes with a lot of responsibility. But I have made progress with it and I am satisfied with the current readership. To date I have distributed nearly one hundred copies and while that may not sound like a lot, I am over the moon to think that a hundred people have read my story. I plan to push further with my novel and have it placed on bookshelves worldwide. I am a persistent young man.
I have grown as a person in many ways, addressing personal concerns and becoming a better man overall, despite some flaws. I will continue my journey and do better for you, because we are worth the effort.
Unfortunately, today my younger brother was found dead in his home today. The man had some demons with which he wrestled, and they got the better of him. My brother was a long running alcoholic, a family trait it seems, and on or around Christmas he finished his last drink. It is an all too common event for this season and I wish it hadn’t happened. In our adult lives he and I were not close. The last time we spoke, I believe, was last year in 2020. The last time I saw him was in 2017 at my grandfather’s funeral where we were both bearers. However, he spent the last few years dealing with liver failure and diabetes, but refused to get help. My family tried to get him help multiple times but we are a stubborn bunch, and he refused. He made excuses to be distant. He faked reasons to get out of taking care of himself. So in memory of him, I am asking you to examine yourself and get help where it is needed. Do it right now. It doesn’t matter if it’s a health problem that you are ignoring, or a mental/emotional failing that you have been struggling to overcome. Pick up the phone and make a call to whomever you need to become a better and thriving person.
Having done that, allow me to tell you about my younger brother. He and I were one year apart in age. As children we were best friends. Inseparable to some degree. We competed against each other in just about everything and had a fun sibling rivalry. The kind of rivalry that occasionally found its way to violence, because brothers fight sometimes, but always found a smile in the end. I recall one time when we were playing in a hot tub, and he was his wild, obnoxious self. I punched him and gave him a black eye. We both thought it was so cool that we decked each other until we both had two black eyes. We laughed about it for days.
As children I was much larger than he and when we wrestled or fought, I always came out the victor. He would get it in his head that he wanted to fight, and so we did. But his fighting was so silly that it made me laugh. He would be throwing punches and kicking me and all I could do was giggle like he and I were tickling each other. In high school he joined the wrestling team for the sole purpose of defeating me. We fought exactly one time after that. He held me in some special move and I couldn’t get out of it. He was so proud of himself, laughing as I struggled to be unhanded. I was happy for him, and laughed right along with him. In the end I still won that fight because I am not a wrestler, and it was not a sanctioned match. There is no such thing as a fair fight, and I fight to win. But I couldn’t deny that my younger brother had me beat.
Strangely, he was the more athletic of us. He played hockey throughout high school, and I dare say he was good enough to continue on with it in college if he put his mind to it. He never did and I am willing to believe he held that regret on some level. When our games did not pit each other in a physical way, such as fighting or wrestling, he outshined me regularly. He ran faster, jumped higher, and out maneuvered the competition in ways that astounded me, even when I wasn’t his competition. He was a natural athlete in almost every way. There were times when I would try to teach him a sport, and he was already better at it even without playing beforehand. It drove me nuts.
In our teen years, he was the pretty one. He had the ability to walk into a room and have girls swoon at the sight of him. He had dates all the time. Once, a lady in my class came to me to get information about him so she could date him. I turned her away. He was popular and liked by most of the school, while I felt like a ghost half of the time.
Needless to say, I was envious of my little brother for a lot of reasons. This was not the cause or even a partial reason for us not to be close as adults. Shortly after high school, I met my wife and began a new life as a husband and father. I will honestly say I was distracted for good reasons. My younger brother was a wild card and force of nature. His ability to light up a room carried into his thirties. He used to make people laugh simply because he was having a good time.
Right now I don’t have all the right words to talk about him. It’s been so long since I have dwelled on memories of him that they seem fragmented and stale. But I can say, that I will continue to learn from my younger brother, as I have done all my life.
Stay Bonded, friends.